


will you kiss me through the mask at least?

by forkliftcertified



Category: Video Blogging RPF, supermega
Genre: Crossdressing, Drinking, Dubious Consent, Face Slapping, Face Spitting, M/M, Making Out, Masturbation, POV Alternating, matt's a pushy drunk, starts out a little rough and gets rougher later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:55:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28768911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forkliftcertified/pseuds/forkliftcertified
Summary: Matt and Ryan get cozy on the couch and maybe make a few mistakes.
Relationships: Ryan Magee/Matt Watson
Comments: 34
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’m lonely, I’m in quarantine, and I crave the intimacy that these two have. I may take this down later (Edit: This statement is no longer relevant). Cheers y’all

It had been such a long time since they’d had a movie night and it felt so good to just sit down on Ryan’s couch, pop in something mindless, and share a bottle of wine. This was originally supposed to be some kind of wine-and-cheese night, with fancy glasses and a board with a nice spread, but Ryan didn’t want to put the effort into chopping up fine slices and the glasses were quickly forgotten in favor of passing a bottle back and forth.

“Ryan, will you hand that over here?” Matt grabbed at Ryan’s side of the couch without looking away from the movie. Ryan giggled, pleasantly tipsy. He took the bottle and held it over his head.

“Come and get it.”

Matt looked over and snorted. “Come on, man.”

“I said, come and get it!” Ryan waved the bottle around in the air.

“Ryan! You’re gonna drop it!” Matt leaned over and tried to grab it without moving from his spot on the couch. 

“No I’m not!”

“Yes you are, give it here!” Matt scooted closer to Ryan and almost reached the bottle with his long, skinny arms. Ryan quickly switched the bottle to his other hand and held it off to the side. “Ryan!!” Matt reached across Ryan’s body and Ryan still refused to let him have it. 

Matt laughed, eventually giving up and letting his body slump into the couch, head in Ryan’s lap. He didn’t get up or move and instead snuggled there, as though daring Ryan to say something. Ryan just put the bottle back down and made no effort to push him away. They sat like this for a while, blue light from the TV flashing on their faces but the movie making no real impression on their minds. As the movie went on and Ryan’s head cleared just enough, he found his fingers absently carding through Matt’s blonde hair and enjoying the texture. He stopped when he realized just what it was that he was doing. Matt turned his face to look up at him. 

“Why’d you stop?”

“Huh?”

“I said, why’d you stop? I was enjoying that.” Matt quirked up the side of his mouth in his trademark lopsided smile. 

“I don’t know,” Ryan replied. “Didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You’re not making me uncomfortable.” Matt shifted in Ryan’s lap and reached up to play with his hoodie strings. Ryan went to slap his hand away, but instead grabbed his wrist.

“Matt.” He shook Matt’s wrist as though proving a point, then pushed his hand back down. The other man didn’t stop grinning. He puckered his lips and raised his eyebrows.

Ryan sighed. Although Matt was pretending like it was, this wasn’t really a bit. As far as Ryan knew, there were no cameras to show off in front of, no friends to make laugh, and no fans to fuck with. Matt’s puckered lips were a question. 

He didn’t know if it was the alcohol still messing with his head, the brightness of the TV highlighting Matt’s sharp features, or something else entirely, but he leaned down and gave him a quick peck on the lips. 

The two stared at each other for a moment that felt like an eternity. Matt reached out his hand and this time Ryan didn’t stop him as he lightly grazed his fingers against his cheek. Ryan took ahold of Matt’s hand and gently kissed the back of it. He paused. Matt just watched as Ryan turned his hand and pressed another kiss to the inside of his wrist. He stopped again to gauge Matt’s reaction. In response, Matt snaked his arm behind Ryan’s neck to support himself as he sat up and then shifted to sit firmly on Ryan’s lap. He twisted his body so their faces were just inches apart. Matt carefully placed his other hand on Ryan’s chest. 

“Kiss me again?” he whispered. Ryan tilted his head and once again pressed his lips to Matt’s. The kiss was soft, sweet, chaste, and lasted just a moment. “Longer this time?” Matt’s voice was breathy and his cheeks were ever-so-slightly flushed. 

Ryan leaned in a fraction of an inch and already Matt’s mouth was on his. He suddenly felt one of Matt’s hands twisting in his hair and the other on his chest sneaking up to join it. Two could play at that game. Ryan reached his arm around to pull Matt in closer, and Matt grinned against his mouth. He broke the kiss to reposition himself and straddled Ryan’s legs. 

“This cool?” Matt asked. His face betrayed his true intentions. This was less of a question, and more of a dare. Ryan placed his hands on Matt’s hips.

“ _This_ cool?” Ryan looked up at the man above him. 

Maybe Matt felt like he had the upper hand here. After all, all he had to do was say no and this whole thing would be over as quickly as it started. But he knew that Ryan could just as easily take those hands resting on his hips and use them to shove him aside. He didn’t want to take the chance, so he leaned down and whispered,

“That’s cool.” Then his lips made contact with Ryan’s yet again. It felt so good not having the other man so quickly pull away, not making an exaggerated noise followed by a pithy quip or a goofy face. To savor the taste of lips stained with wine and the ghost of a cigarette. To feel Ryan’s wavy hair wound in his fingers and the pressure of his large hands on his body. Matt decided to push his luck.

Ryan could feel Matt’s tongue pressing against the seam of his lips. Whatever this was, it was not supposed to go this far. But Ryan opened his mouth anyway and let Matt inside. While Matt took his sweet time exploring, Ryan retaliated by slipping his fingers underneath his shirt to touch the bare skin waiting there. He felt Matt’s body shiver.

“No fair,” Matt whispered.

“Don’t be such a baby,” Ryan whispered back. He then slowly, methodically, slid his hands up Matt’s sides until finally resting them on his waist. 

“Don’t call me baby.” Matt pressed back into Ryan’s mouth, begging to deepen the kiss. Ryan let him back in, but soon dug his fingers into Matt’s skin, squeezing just a little too hard. Matt let out a sharp gasp and Ryan giggled.

“Stop!” Matt quickly leaned back and smacked Ryan’s shoulder, igniting something that Ryan didn’t know was inside him. 

“Fucker!” Ryan laughed. He dug his nails in this time.

“Ow! See how you like it!” Matt moved fast and all but smashed their faces together, biting down hard on Ryan’s bottom lip. Ryan let out a groan, deep and loud. If it surprised Matt at all, he didn’t let it show.

It did. But he kept going, pushing further and further into Ryan’s mouth. He felt Ryan’s hands slide up and down his back, using those nails of his on the descent. His whole body shuddered. He lost himself in the feel of Ryan’s lips, his tongue, his roaming hands. Matt’s head spun with pleasure. Fuck it. He started to rock his hips back and forth.

“Matt. Matt,” Ryan panted, pushing him away. “Matt, dude, please, you can’t do that.”

Reluctantly, Matt stopped. “Why not?” He searched Ryan’s face for an answer. His cheeks were red, his brow was slick with sweat. 

“You just… you just can’t, okay? I’m not saying this to make you laugh, I swear to god, but you’re literally going to make me do something I’ll regret if you don’t stop.” 

Matt laughed anyway. “What? What are you talking about?” 

“Dude, you know exactly what you’re doing. Grinding on my lap like that.”

“I’m not grinding on your lap! I’m, I’m just fucking around with you!” Matt laughed again, a little more desperate this time. 

“Okay.” Ryan clapped his hands on Matt’s shoulders. He trailed his fingertips down until they came to rest on Matt’s chest. Matt willed his body not to shiver. Ryan looked up. “You have to get off me, okay?” 

Matt gave himself one more second to look down at Ryan breathing heavily beneath him. Just one more second to be that close to Ryan’s body, to have some kind of power over him. Enough power that Ryan had to ask him to stop. And then he stopped.

“Thank you,” Ryan sighed as Matt crawled back to his side of the couch. Although Matt was never that good at gambling, he pushed his luck one more time.

“That was fun, huh?” 

Ryan frowned. “If you kiss me again — ”

“You kissed me, Ryan.”

Both men stared at each other, one not willing to elaborate and the other not willing to respond. If the moment after they first kissed lasted an eternity, this moment lasted a lifetime. Ryan broke the silence.

“I know. And I’m sorry. I promise, it won’t happen again.”

Matt turned his head away and noticed that the movie had ended. He took a moment to watch the credits roll by. He knew Ryan was still looking at him. There was a part of him that wanted to wait until the credits finished their scroll, just to make Ryan squirm. But this was his best friend. His best friend that he just trying to dry hump, but his best friend nonetheless. Matt looked back.

“Sure. It won’t happen again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooops I may have fucked with their dynamic. It’s all in good fun. If I don’t end up taking this down, I might write a part two.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It happens again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, looks like I'm not taking this down after all. I updated the tags to reflect the content a little better.

Against both of their better judgements, the two stayed late at the office; Ryan saddled with a podcast and Matt slapping together the footage from that month’s Q&A.

It was creepy at night, the same annoying light flickering occasionally above them and the dark hallway looming around the corner. At some point, Matt got up to turn off the light switch, leaving only the brightness of their monitors to work from. Both men knew this was not good for their eyes, but, they were almost done.

Ryan stood up first and stretched. Instead of grabbing his keys and bag, he headed towards the living room. Matt followed soon after, and found him collapsed on the couch and rubbing at his eyes. 

“Jesus,” Ryan said, “We shouldn’t have turned that light off. My eyes feel like they’re going to pop out of my head.”

“Gross.” Matt plopped down next to him and stretched out his legs. Ryan scratched at Matt’s jeans.

“These new?” he asked.

“Nah. Just haven’t worn ‘em in a while.” Matt shrugged. 

Ryan picked at a loose strand of denim. “Should’ve known. They’re soft.” 

Matt swatted Ryan’s hand away. “Stop! That doesn’t mean you get to destroy them!” 

Ryan smiled at him. “I’m trying to make you fancy. Ripped jeans are in, right?”

Matt thought for a moment, then smiled back. “I think gym shorts are in right now.” To prove his point, he pinched the fabric of Ryan’s shorts. “The ol’ Ryan Magee classic.” 

Matt didn’t move his hand away, instead placing it lightly on Ryan’s leg. Just sitting there. Not bothering anything. Ryan raised an eyebrow. Matt scooted closer to him and grabbed at his hand. He was surprised to find no resistance as he casually laced his fingers in with Ryan’s. But why should he be? They held hands all the time. Matt moved just a fraction of an inch closer and lightly rested his head on Ryan’s shoulder.

Ryan could smell the special shampoo that Matt was talking about earlier that day. It was supposed to keep his hair from drying out after the dye job. Ryan suddenly remembered what it was like to run his fingers through that hair. It was soft, and light. Almost fluffy. He tried to push away the urge to nudge Matt’s head back into his lap so he could touch that hair again. Instead he settled for slowly rubbing circles into Matt’s hand with a thumb. He could feel Matt let out a heavy sigh and inch his body in closer. He barely even noticed when Matt maneuvered their hands up to his mouth and started to kiss his knuckles.

“Matt.”

The other man looked up from his task. “What?”

“You don’t see anything wrong with this picture?”

“You sucked my fingers during a Let’s Play. I don’t see why I can’t kiss your knuckles after a long, hard day at work.” Matt quirked up one side of his mouth then continued. Ryan let him. But he wasn’t sure how to feel about it. The sensation itself felt nice. To have lips pressed against his skin. It was the meaning behind it that troubled him. They said they weren’t going to do this again. Ryan could feel Matt manipulating their hands, then felt something soft and wet against his fingers.

“Matt…”

“What…?”

Ryan knew he needed to rip his hand away, to stand up and wipe his knuckles on his shirt, to head back to the other room for his keys. But he shifted his body and lifted Matt’s chin to bring their faces level with each other. He grazed his thumb over Matt’s lips.

“Don’t make this weird,” Ryan whispered, stopping his thumb at the corner of Matt’s mouth. 

“This is already weird,” Matt whispered back. Ryan slowly started to move his thumb back across, then stopped at Matt’s bottom lip. Just as slowly, Matt took Ryan’s thumb into his mouth and fluttered his eyelids shut. 

Seeing Matt like this was thrilling. Matt took the initiative, but Ryan had the power. He could continue enjoying Matt’s tongue running over his thumb, or he could shove that thumb into the back of his throat and make him gag on it. Ryan wasn’t sure what he wanted more, or if he even wanted those things in the first place. Then Matt took away both options as he slipped Ryan’s thumb out of his mouth.

“Why’d you stop?” Ryan whispered, echoing Matt’s words from just a few days before.

“So I could do this.” Matt started pressing kisses all the way up Ryan’s arm, from the palm of his hand, to the crook of his elbow, up to his bicep, and all the while scooting closer and closer back to Ryan’s body. 

Ryan hooked his other arm around Matt’s waist and pulled him in the rest of the way. Their legs were awkwardly arranged, Ryan with one foot on the floor and the other halfway up the couch and Matt with his knees pressing into the cushions, but neither man cared as Matt kissed his way up Ryan’s neck, along his jaw, across his cheek, and finally landed on his lips. 

The kiss started off soft, maybe even innocent, then quickly turned into something more as Matt’s tongue started to press into Ryan’s mouth. Ryan eagerly let him in and let out a low rumble as he felt the other man’s tongue swipe across his teeth.

“I like it when you moan like that,” Matt whispered against his lips.

“Put your tongue back in my fucking mouth,” Ryan whispered back. Matt obeyed with enthusiasm, slipping his arms around Ryan’s neck and sloppily licking his way back into the other man’s mouth. They fell into a rhythm, a push and pull of lips, teeth, and tongue. None of this meant anything. Wet, smacking sounds and a bit of fun.

Then Matt suddenly swung his leg over to straddle Ryan’s lap, and Ryan was instantly transported back to that night on his couch. Seeing Matt above him but feeling him melt beneath his touch had been more intoxicating than the wine abandoned on the table. He felt that same kind of intoxication now. His hands automatically went to grip Matt’s waist and Matt sucked in a quiet gasp.

“I barely even touched you,” Ryan grinned.

“Shut the fuck up, asshole.” Matt pushed his hips hard down into Ryan’s, this time with no intention of stopping. Ryan let him do what he wanted, even sliding his hands down his body and hooking his fingers into the other man’s belt loops to pull him closer.

“This is so high school.” Ryan laughed. 

“And? I didn’t get to do this type of gay shit back then so I’m doing it now.” Matt nipped at Ryan’s ear and continued to grind on his lap. 

Matt dropped something big, something he didn’t mean to, and Ryan didn’t even bat an eye. Or maybe he ignored him on purpose, which was fine too. He started moving faster, pushing harder, each thrust punctuated with a low groan from Ryan. He grabbed Ryan’s face and pulled him into another kiss, almost suffocating him with pent-up passion.

“Just so you know,” Ryan said in between gasps for air, “I’m not touching your dick.”

Matt threw back his head and laughed, revealing the blush creeping up his neck. Something inside Ryan so badly wanted to bruise the delicate skin there.

“I’ll just cum in my pants, then.” 

It was Ryan’s turn to laugh. “If you do that Matthew, I will literally never stop making fun of you for it. I will tell everyone, I don’t give a shit. I’ll tell Jackson, I’ll tell Justin, I’ll - Matt!” 

Matt had taken the opportunity while Ryan was distracted and bit down on his collarbone. Hard. “Jesus Christ!” He felt Matt kissing his way up to his neck again and now occasionally pausing to graze the skin with his teeth. Nope. That wouldn’t do. Ryan shoved a hand up the back of Matt’s neck, grabbed a fistful of his hair, and yanked. Matt let out a high-pitched groan, almost a whine.

“Ryan!” he gasped. 

“If you really want to give me a hickey, you’re getting one too, fucker.” He sunk his teeth into Matt’s neck just like he wanted, but with nowhere near enough build-up. Another high-pitched, almost pitiful whine spilled from his lips. 

“Oh god, Ryan, okay, I will actually cum in my pants if you don’t — ”

“You’re definitely not going to do that, we’ve barely done anything.”

“It’s just because it’s you, it’s literally just because — ”

Ryan clapped a hand over his mouth and resumed his work on another spot on Matt’s neck. Although the back of Matt’s head was swimming with pleasure and the pit of his stomach was aching with desire, he was not having any of Ryan’s bullshit. He licked Ryan’s hand with as much spit as possible, then was quickly rewarded with a slap across the face. 

Both men paused and looked at each other. Matt reached up and his fingers ghosted over the place where Ryan had just smacked him. 

“Oh god, dude, I’m so sorry — ”

“Do that again.” Matt’s eyes were blown wide and his hand was almost shaking.

“I… can’t,” Ryan said.

Matt looked incredulous. “You’re stopping this again?”

Ryan looked at his friend like he’d just spoken a foreign language. “Um, yes? Matt, you just asked me to slap you. That’s a lot different from a kiss.”

Something in Matt changed gears. “No, you’re right.” He quietly moved off Ryan’s lap. “You’re right, you’re right.” He nodded to himself as he settled back into the couch. Back next to Ryan. Head back on his shoulder. 

They sat there, staring straight ahead, breathing heavily, and calming down. It was Matt who shifted away first. 

“We can’t do that again,” he said, “Seriously. We can’t.”

Ryan nodded. “Yup.”

Matt slowly picked himself up off the couch, still a little shaky. “We can… we can still go back to normal though, right?”

Ryan saw something desperate in his eyes, something he knew was reflected in his own. “We did it before.”

“Yeah.” Matt reassured himself, smoothing his shirt down. “Yeah, we did it before, we’ll do it again.” He extended an arm out to Ryan to help him get off the couch. 

Ryan eagerly accepted, grateful they could still touch each other without something else happening in the backs of their minds. His hand lingered in Matt’s, just for a moment, then Matt slipped through his fingers. Matt dug his hand into his back pocket and pulled out his keys. 

“Well. I’m going home.” He spun his keys around his finger and carefully studied Ryan’s face. “See you tomorrow?”

Ryan nodded. “See you tomorrow.”

Matt smiled, shrugged, then ducked out, leaving Ryan alone in the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw man, I fucked with their dynamic even more. Don't worry, it's all for the drama and extremely soft-core smut. There will definitely be a part three.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It escalates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just gonna update those tags again... And I'm definitely not taking this down anymore, I've got a whole thing planned out.
> 
> Also, I pictured this "taking place" before Mail Room Ep 22, so make of that what you will.

Ryan and Jackson stood next to Matt’s desk, working out a game plan for the next day. On the other side of the room, Matt quelled the golden-hour sunset streaming through the windows as he rolled down the shades. Ryan took a second to watch, then turned back to Jackson.

“We’re a little behind,” Ryan said, “I mean, Justin’s not complaining, but we have to get that upload schedule back on track.”

“Yeah, we need to backlog more shit,” Matt called over his shoulder. He walked over and snuck between the two of them to lean on his desk. “Definitely record some more one-offs tomorrow.”

Ryan nodded. “Sounds good to me.”

“Whatever you guys want to do,” Jackson said, now barely paying attention. “Wanna get food or something?”

“Mmmm… not really,” said Matt, glancing over at Ryan, “I have some stuff to finish up.”

Ryan gave Matt a similar glance back, but didn’t say anything. He just checked his phone and stuck his other hand in his pocket. Matt’s eyes were almost glued to the other man’s face, willing him to pick up on what he meant.

“Okay,” Jackson said. Matt tore his eyes away. “Don’t stay here too late.” Jackson left the room and the two men waited until they heard the front door click shut. Matt turned his head back to Ryan.

“Now it’s just us,” he said, drumming his fingers on his desk. 

Ryan put his phone in his pocket. As casual as Matt was trying to be, he had clearly been orchestrating this since the beginning of the day. 

“We’ve been spending a lot of time alone together, huh?” Matt smirked.

Ryan stared at him for a second. “If you mean like, the movie night last week, then yeah.”

“Actually, two nights last week.” Matt reminded him.

Ryan shifted his weight to the left. “Oh, yeah. Two nights.”

Matt raised his eyebrows so far up they almost disappeared into his hair. That hair. That stupid blonde hair. Ryan never had a thing for blondes, but for some reason, that little change was what started this whole thing. Or at least that’s what Ryan blamed it on. He ached to feel those soft blonde locks between his fingers again. So he reached out to touch them.

Matt let out a quiet and contented sigh as Ryan stepped forward and tucked a piece of hair behind his ear. 

“This doesn’t mean anything,” murmured Ryan, “I’m serious.”

“I know,” Matt said. He reached out and trailed his fingers along Ryan’s jawline. “When’s the last time you shaved, caveman?”

Ryan scoffed. “When’s the last time you showered, greaseball?”

Matt gave Ryan a tiny shove. Big enough to make his point, but not enough to push him away. “I’m not greasy! I showered yesterday!”

Ryan grinned and finally ran his fingers through that beautiful hair. “No, you’re not greasy.”

Matt let out another sigh, less quiet than the first. “God, it feels good when you do that.” He slipped his arms around Ryan’s neck and before Ryan could react, he pulled him in for a kiss. It was quick, experimental, and impulsive. The two men broke apart for just a moment. Then it was sloppy, wet, and open-mouthed. 

Ryan pressed forward and grabbed the backs of Matt’s thighs to lift him up and onto the desk. Every single time he picked Matt up, he was surprised at how light, how breakable he was. One wrong move and he could shatter like fine china. 

Matt reached one arm out behind him to steady himself and instead knocked a cup of pens over and sent its contents clattering to the floor. He almost slid into his computer before Ryan’s hand quickly shot up his back and pulled him in close. Matt hooked his legs around Ryan’s waist and ran his hands up his back, feeling up the muscles that he always insisted he didn’t have.

Ryan let Matt start kissing down his neck, but something in the back of his mind made him whisper, “You said we weren’t going to do this again.”

“Yeah,” a kiss on his jugular, “Well,” a kiss near his Adam’s Apple, “I lied — ”

The two men heard a door click open and Jackson’s voice rang through the office. 

“Forgot my phone!” 

They froze in place. 

“How the fuck did he forget his phone?” Matt hissed through his teeth. He quickly darted out of Ryan’s grasp and dove into his chair, sending a stack of papers scattering to the floor. Ryan, completely lost, made it halfway to his own desk before Jackson appeared in the doorway. He glanced at the mess on the floor.

“What the hell?”

Ryan was still paralyzed and Matt had to speak first. “Um, there was a spider? On my desk. So, we had to kill it, and...” He gestured awkwardly to the mess and Jackson gave him a weird look.

He then shifted his gaze to Ryan. “Ryan, why’s your face all red?”

“Uh, I — ”

“You know what, nevermind.” Jackson shrugged and rummaged through his stuff before pulling his phone out from under a bunch of manila folders. “There we go.” He turned to go, then glanced over at Matt. “Your monitor’s not on, dipshit.”

Matt looked at Ryan, now sitting in his desk chair as casually as he could manage. He turned back to Jackson and said, “Uh, yeah, I know? I don’t need my monitor right now.”

Jackson looked skeptical, “Look, if you don’t want to come home yet, you can just say so. You don’t have to make shit up.”

“I’m not making shit up, god!”

Jackson held up his hands, “Okay, don’t attack me! I’ll see you later then.”

“Cool, bye.” Matt raised his eyebrows and Jackson took the hint, whatever it was.

“Bye,” he said, then looked back at Ryan, still sitting ramrod straight in his chair. “Bye, Ryan.” 

Ryan gave him a quick nod and Jackson turned and left. They waited until the door clicked shut again.

“That was kind of a mood-killer,” Matt said.

Ryan’s eyes didn’t leave the doorway. “Maybe that’s a good thing,” he grimaced.

“Hmmm…” Matt rested his chin in his hands, clearly not processing what Ryan had said at all. “Go to the living room, I have an idea.”

“Matt – ” But the other man had already darted down the hallway. Ryan got up and sighed. He made his way to the living room.

Matt raced to the mailroom and after a few minutes of searching, found exactly what he was looking for. Perfect. He quickly shucked his clothes off and put it on.

Just when Ryan was starting to get impatient, Matt reappeared in the doorway, grinning and wearing something very, very familiar. A skirt that was just a little too short, stockings that stretched their way up to his thighs, white ruffles around the collar, and three black buttons going down the front. That stupid, stupid maid outfit. 

He spread his arms wide and shook his hands in what he clearly thought was an adorable little ‘ta-da!’ gesture.

Ryan burst out laughing.

“Ryan! What the fuck?” Matt put his hand on his hip and waved an arm around. “I did this for you!” 

Ryan couldn’t stop giggling, “No you didn’t! You did it for you! You love wearing that shit!”

Matt grabbed at the skirt. “You really think I like wearing this?”

“Yes! No one asked you to wear that!” 

Matt smiled. “Uh, Ryan. Our adoring fans asked me to wear this.” He cocked his hip and brought a finger to his lips. 

“Right. The first time. Now you’re just doing it to look cute.”

“And do I look cute?” Matt struck another pose. Ryan couldn’t deny, it was doing something for him. Something.

“Maybe,” he finally said.

There was that trademark lopsided grin again. There was something cute about that, too. Totally unique. No one else could pull it off but Matt. Ryan left to go sit on the couch and Matt followed close behind.

Ryan plunked down in the middle of the cushions and looked up at the other man. 

“Well, what are you waiting for?” Ryan asked.

“What do you mean?” Matt cocked his head to the side.

Ryan settled into the couch and rested his arms on the back of it, as though inviting Matt in. “You dressed up all nice for me, so come sit on my lap already. I know it’s what you want to do.” Ryan was trying to turn this whole thing back into a dare, a big game of gay chicken that they were both losing. Or at least that’s what he told himself.

Matt played along. “Mmmm, I think that’s what you want me to do. You’re the one asking for it.”

Ryan smirked. “Do it, coward.”

“I’ll do it for a kiss,” Matt teased.

Ryan pretended to give in. “Fine.”

Matt swooped down to claim his prize, but Ryan was too quick for him. He grabbed Matt by the waist and wrenched him down right where he wanted him. Right where he’d been twice before, right where Ryan craved his body.

God, Matt loved being manhandled like this. There was a reason he was always looking for a fight. To feel Ryan’s strong arms wrapped around him, to be both powerless and protected. When Ryan held him, he felt like the world couldn’t hurt him. When Ryan fought him, he felt like the world could come crashing down at any minute. And he liked that danger.

Matt got his balance as best he could and stuck out his lip to pout at Ryan. “Where’s my kiss?” he asked. Ryan leaned up and instead of providing him with a kiss, grazed his teeth over his bottom lip. 

“Nope,” Matt said, “Doesn’t count. Teeth don’t count. Give me a real kiss.” 

“Have you been good enough for a real kiss?” Ryan asked. 

Why did he say that? Just to see how far he could push it? Just to see Matt’s reaction? He certainly saw one. Matt’s cheeks were flushed pink and he swore he could see a switch flip in his brain. 

“Um…” Matt fiddled with a button. “Have I?”

Ryan took Matt’s other hand and brought it to his lips. “That good enough for you?”

Matt regained his composure a little and poked a finger into Ryan’s chest. “No. A real kiss. On the lips, Ryan.”

Ryan put Matt’s hand down and lightly took his chin between his thumb and forefinger, bringing the other man’s face just inches from his. He could feel Matt’s shallow breath on his face. He turned Matt’s head and kissed him softly on the cheek. 

“You’re still not giving me what I want,” Matt whispered.

“What do you really want from me?” Ryan whispered back.

Matt couldn’t even answer that for himself. He knew he wanted Ryan’s tongue in his mouth and his hands on his body. He also knew that he wanted something else, but couldn’t bring himself to say it. So he just pushed Ryan's shoulders into the couch and hungrily kissed him. 

Ryan quickly let Matt inside, enjoying the warm feeling spreading through his body. They fell into the same rhythm they’d found themselves in now three times before. Then he felt Matt grinding against him and remembered where that led them the last time they did this, so he pushed the other man away.

Matt looked utterly disappointed. “God, Ryan, please. Please don’t stop us this time. We’re just, we’re just,” Matt searched his brain, grasping at straws. “I don’t know, we’re still fucking around, right?” He played with a lock of his hair and stared down at Ryan. “Friends fuck around.”

Ryan sighed and rested his fingers on Matt’s chest, staring up at him. Ryan always hated to see him truly upset. “You know what? You’re right.” He smoothed down the frills of a dress that thrilled him just as much as it annoyed him.

“Yup,” he said, “Sure. We’re friends,” he walked his fingers up to the neckline that revealed far too much of Matt’s bare skin. Matt was barely moving, completely unsure of what was going to happen next. Ryan liked that. He pulled down the neckline just a little bit more, leaned in, carefully took Matt’s skin between his teeth, and sucked. Matt gasped. 

“Fucking around,” he moved to a new spot and was treated to another sharp intake of breath from the other man. “This is just me.” Another spot. “Fucking around,” Matt’s chest was littered with red marks that were sure to bruise purple. There was going to be hell to pay tomorrow, but Ryan didn’t care. “With my best friend Matt.” Ryan chose a particularly tender spot and bit down as hard as he could. Matt whined, long, high, and loud. He rocked his hips back and forth and tangled his fingers in Ryan’s hair. He tightened his grip and used it to tilt Ryan’s head up toward him.

Ryan’s deep brown eyes looked up at him in a half-lidded gaze and Matt knew there was absolutely no coming back from this. He had figured out what he wanted. Surely Ryan was his now, right? Ryan had always been his, but now it was different. This wasn’t just a bit of fun, and both of them knew it, but neither could say it. Matt leaned down for another kiss and tried to say it with his body. There was a fire in the pit of his stomach and he couldn’t hold it in any longer. 

“Fucking hell, man,” he said, “You have to get this stupid costume off me.”

Ryan immediately decided to mess with him. 

“Mmmm, not yet.” Ryan slipped a hand up Matt’s skirt and he jumped like he’d been shocked by a light socket.

“Ah! Come on, I — ” Matt searched his brain for an excuse. “I feel ridiculous.”

“Oh yeah? That’s why?” Ryan grinned and snapped the waistband of Matt’s boxers. He winced. “Not because you want me to tear your clothes off?”

“Just unzip me, man.” Matt begged. Ryan started to bring his hand out from under Matt’s skirt, but made sure to stop and feel the curve of his ass on the way down. He resisted the urge to give it a squeeze. After finishing his descent, he slowly brought his hand up Matt’s slender back and savored the almost tortured expression spreading across the other man's face. He pulled down the zipper and watched as the dress fell off Matt’s shoulders and gathered at his hips. Ryan helped him out the rest of the way, and now he had Matt nearly naked in his lap. 

He’d seen Matt’s naked body before. Far too many times, in fact. Probably more than he could count. But something was just a little different here. Matt was vulnerable. Exposed. And to be honest, pretty goddamn sweaty.

Ryan smirked. “Nice MeUndies.”

“Shut up.” Matt kissed him again, insistently pressing his tongue into his mouth. They immediately fell back into each other, Ryan’s hands roving around the other man’s entire body and feeling him shiver under his touch.

When it got to be too much, Matt pulled back and said, “Hit me.”

Ryan had to catch his breath. “Hit you?”

“Like you did a couple nights ago,” he said, “Slap me across the face, do it.”

“I don’t — ”

“Do it, you — ” Matt’s insult was cut off by a smack that sounded just a little too loud to be safe. “Jesus Christ!”

“I’m sorry, that’s what you asked for!”

Matt rubbed his cheek and scrunched up his nose, then looked back down at Ryan. 

“That hurt so fucking bad, do it again.” 

Ryan did and Matt let out a whine. “Oh god, one more time, I need — ”

Ryan smacked him again and Matt saw stars. He felt like he was on another plane of existence entirely and considered asking for another slap, but didn’t think he had the capacity to form words until he heard himself say,

“I’m so sorry dude, but I have to touch myself, I just have to.” 

“Do it,” Ryan said. 

Matt looked shocked, but then quickly shoved a hand into his boxers. Ryan saw relief spread across his face as the fabric bunched up and shifted. 

Ryan didn’t care that his own needs weren’t being met. He was perfectly content to watch Matt writhe and squirm on top of him, to slap him around and pretend not to notice the stirring in his own pants. It was much better to shove those feelings deep down inside and watch his friend jerk himself off in his lap.

Matt spilled over his own fingers and was instantly flooded with shame. In complete disbelief of what he’d just done, he wordlessly crawled off Ryan’s lap and slinked to the bathroom. 

Matt stopped in the mail room to grab his discarded clothing. He felt disgusting, both figuratively and literally. He wasn’t sure if he’d used Ryan, if Ryan used him, or if they used each other. All he knew was that he’d experienced euphoria in one moment, then humiliation the next. 

He snuck into the bathroom to wriggle out of his ruined boxers and splash cold water on his face. He watched the water trickle down his features in the mirror then turned his focus to the red mark on his cheek. Although he hadn’t believed in God for a long time now, he prayed the mark wouldn’t bruise. 

He made a mental note to stop at the drugstore on the way home anyway.

After putting his clothes back on, he made his way back to the living room and saw Ryan still sitting on the couch. Folding, unfolding, then refolding that maid outfit. He looked up.

“Um — ”

“Hey — ”

Ryan set the outfit aside, held his hands up, and said, “If you want to pretend that didn’t happen, I’m fine with it.”

Matt shifted his weight from left to right. “Uh…” He stalled, trying to think of something, anything. “If that’s what you want?”

Ryan pursed his lips for a moment then said, “I mean, not really? But you look…” he trailed off, then picked the maid outfit back up and held it out to Matt. “Here. You decide what to do with it.” Matt grabbed it and held it in his hands, running his fingers over the cheap fabric.

“I’ll probably throw it out.”

Ryan nodded. “That’s okay.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “So do you want to talk about what just happened?”

Matt had a white-knuckle grip on the costume. “I… don’t know if I can,” he whispered. 

“Okay,” Ryan said back, “I want to say I’m sorry for hitting you, though.”

Matt took a minute to stare at the ceiling, then looked back down at Ryan. “I mean, I asked for it.”

Ryan got up from the couch and walked over to carefully lay a hand on his cheek. “Still. I feel pretty fuckin’ bad.”

“I couldn’t help myself,” Matt sighed, “It felt, like, weirdly good? The first time you did it? I had to feel it again... and again, I guess. And I also… couldn’t help myself with the uh…” he sucked in a breath through his teeth, “the other thing.”

Ryan nodded and drew his hand away. “Yeah. Of course. You can’t help it and I know you’d do the same thing for me.”

Matt looked at him, utterly unconvinced. “I wouldn’t worry about that.” 

Matt was giving him an easy out and Ryan didn’t know whether to feel relieved or insulted. He settled for reaching out and lacing his fingers in with his friend’s. That always worked when he didn’t know what to do. Matt gripped his hand so tight it felt like he was going to lose circulation and they made their way back to the office together.

They only let go when they reached their desks. Ryan picked up his stuff and looked back over to see Matt staring at the pens and papers lying abandoned on the floor.

“Christ, we made a mess.”

Ryan shrugged. “I guess that’s what happens when you… Matt?”

Matt was still staring at the ground, completely ignoring him.

“Buddy?” Ryan put a hand on his shoulder and Matt didn’t turn around. 

“This is going to happen again, isn’t it?” he said quietly.

“I don’t know,” Ryan mumbled. “I don’t want it to, but — ”

Matt turned around with hurt in his eyes. “You don’t want it to?”

“I mean it’s fun, but uh,” Ryan backpedaled, “I just don’t want things to like, escalate? If that’s the right word?”

Matt deflated a little. “Yeah. I get it.” He thought back to his miniature walk of shame. It wasn’t something he wanted to do again. Or at least, not anytime soon.

“Look, we’ll play it by ear, okay?” said Ryan, “If it happens again, we just have to remember not to let it go… as far as it went this time. That okay with you?”

“Sure thing.” He rubbed the back of his neck and looked back over at the mess on the floor. “I gotta clean this up, you go on without me.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I gotta do some more thinking.”

Ryan nodded and stuck his hands in his pockets. “Gotcha.”

Matt plastered on what he hoped was a smile and gave Ryan a tiny wave. The other man gave him a wave back before exiting the room.

Matt put the maid outfit on his desk then got down on his knees to pick up the discarded papers on the floor and retrieve the pen cup from underneath his chair. He shuffled the papers into a neat pile and methodically plunked the pens back into place, happy to do something mindless. But he was done too quickly and soon faced with that rolled-up costume again. He could grab it and chuck it in the dumpster on his way out, or pick it up and put it in his bag to bring home. Matt stood there staring at it for what felt like an hour. 

Then he swiped it off his desk, and stuffed it in his bag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are neck kisses in every chapter because I like neck kisses, okay? There will be more neck kisses to come.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It gets a little more dangerous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matt gets very pushy in this chapter. I didn’t think it was enough for a Rape/Non-con tag, but your mileage may vary. If you don’t want to read that section, stop at “I’m finishing it” and pick back up at “Ryan’s tone made Matt want to obey” (both lines are bolded). Cheers, y’all.

Tonight was just supposed to be a bottle of wine and a terrible movie with the Tuckers. Both Matt and Ryan knew what happened the last time they did this, but there were two other people here, so it would be fine, right? 

Matt ended up wedged into the corner of the couch with his legs slung over Ryan’s lap. No different from how they usually acted when they were drunk. Matt always whispered dirty jokes in Ryan’s ear, leaned his head on Ryan’s shoulder, and tried to braid Ryan’s hair. Ryan always giggled so quietly that only Matt could hear, played with Matt’s fingers, and ran his hands up and down Matt’s legs.

Harrison was the first to throw in the towel. 

“Sorry guys, I gotta head to bed. Got shit to do tomorrow.” 

“Aw that’s a fuckin’ lie, you don’t got shit to do ever!” Matt called over Ryan’s shoulder.

“Can’t hear you, it’s sleep time, goodnight!” Harrison flipped Matt off on his way to his bedroom. Matt rolled his eyes and snuggled further into the couch. And into Ryan. He pretended not to notice Ryan’s thumb absently rubbing small circles into his thigh. 

Jackson was next.

“I’m off.” He swiped his phone off the coffee table and stuck it in his back pocket on his way to the kitchen.

“What?” Matt said, “You’re gonna pussy out on us too?”

“More like I’m not gonna wake up with a hangover.” Jackson looked over the counter to grin at him and stuck his empty glass in the sink.

“At least wash that out!” Matt said. 

Jackson waved him away. “I’ll get it in the morning. ‘Night guys.” He headed off to bed.

Matt sighed and buried his nose into Ryan’s neck, taking in the smell of smoke and cologne. 

“You didn’t want the Tuckers to leave, huh,” said Ryan.

“I don’t know what I wanted,” Matt said. He softly kissed Ryan’s neck and lingered there. Ryan didn’t react. “But I know I like sitting on this couch with you.” Matt kissed him again.

“Yeah, me too,” Ryan said. He felt another familiar kiss on his neck. He turned his head and gave the other man a quick peck on the forehead. Matt made a happy, contented little noise and started to shift his legs in Ryan’s lap. 

Ryan tightened his grip on Matt’s thigh, then turned his body and poked him in the chest. “Uh-uh. You’re not allowed to straddle me,” he said, “bad things happen when you straddle me.”

Matt stopped moving his legs and gave Ryan a shit-eating grin. “Oh yeah? What kind of bad things?”

Ryan trailed his finger down Matt’s body, trying to think of the right word. He settled on something ridiculous. 

“... Naughty things,” he said. Matt giggled at him. Ryan continued, “Things friends shouldn’t do to friends.”

Matt grabbed Ryan’s hand. “What about best friends?” he kissed the back of it. “Are best friends allowed to do naughty things to each other?” he kissed his knuckles.

“Stop it, Matt.” Ryan tried his best to bring both of them out of their little game, but didn’t take his hand away. Matt cocked an eyebrow and brought Ryan’s fingers to his mouth. 

“No. Bad Matt.” Ryan drew his fingers away and booped Matt on the nose. “You’re not allowed to suck my fingers either.”

Matt pretended to be annoyed. “I’m not allowed to straddle you, I’m not allowed to suck your fingers, what am I allowed to do?” 

Ryan pointed to the other side of the couch. “You’re allowed to go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done.”

Matt pouted then made a big show of crawling across Ryan’s lap. Ryan couldn’t help himself; Matt was so clearly sticking his ass out on purpose and he just had to give it a spank. 

“Ouch!” Matt grinned and flopped into the other side of the couch.

Ryan pointed at him. “Don’t read anything into that.”

Matt rolled his eyes and as though in protest, grabbed the wine bottle off the coffee table and poured himself another glass. Ryan frowned.

“You sure that’s a good idea, buddy?” 

Matt stuck out his tongue before saying,“Stop telling me what to do.” He took a deep drink from the glass. “Want some more?”

“Fine, give it here.” Ryan took the bottle and poured himself another glass. 

The two men sat in comfortable silence. Ryan could feel himself slipping from pleasantly tipsy into something smoother and slightly foggy. He suddenly realized that he wasn’t taking in any information as he scrolled through his phone. He looked over at Matt. The other man had another full glass of wine in one hand and his phone in the other, features lit up by the blue light. Ryan remembered seeing those same features lit up two weeks ago, when this whole thing started. 

He decided to let his brain take a backseat.

“Matt,” he whispered. Matt looked up from his phone. “Matt, c’mere.”

He raised his glass to his lips and held out his other hand as if to say, _Give me a minute._

Ryan slouched, stretched out his legs, and poked Matt’s thigh with his toe. “No. Now.”

Matt’s eyes grew wide and he carefully placed his wine glass and phone on the coffee table. He slowly made his way to Ryan’s side of the couch, and Ryan didn’t stop him from climbing on top of him and getting right up close to his face. 

“Yeah, Ryan?” he whispered.

Ryan took Matt’s face in his hands and kissed him. Matt relaxed into the kiss and moaned, melting into Ryan’s body. Their kisses stayed soft and lazy for a while; just their lips connecting was enough. Matt slowly pressed his tongue into Ryan’s mouth and the two took pleasure in exploring each other, the rhythm familiar and soothing. Ryan’s hands found Matt’s waist, Matt’s fingers found Ryan’s hair, and their bodies rocked together like waves.

Soon, Matt decided he wanted more and bit down hard on Ryan’s bottom lip. Ryan tasted blood and let out a deep groan almost loud enough to wake up Harrison and Jackson. Matt giggled into his mouth. 

“Oh, shut up,” Ryan said. He slipped his fingers under Matt’s shirt and Matt sucked in a gasp. Ryan tutted, “all I have to do is touch that porcelain skin of yours, huh?”

“You shut up,” Matt whispered. 

Ryan ran his nails up Matt’s back then slid his hands back down to rest on his ass. Feeling brave, he gave it a squeeze. A flash of disbelief danced across Matt’s face, then it was quickly replaced by a crooked grin.

Ryan grinned back,“You’re always saying you have no ass, why do you lie to me like that?” 

“Mmm…” Matt took a moment to bask in the attention. Ryan spanked him for it.

“Answer me, Matthew.” he teased.

“Ah!” Matt jumped, “I don’t know!”

Ryan spanked him again. “That’s not an answer.” The other man let out a high-pitched whine and Ryan slid his hands back up his body and lightly put two fingers to his lips. “Shh! You’re too loud,” he said.

Matt closed his eyes and took Ryan’s fingers into his mouth. Ryan let him suck and moan and fought back the urge to force more in. At that moment, he realized they were playing with fire. So he pulled his brain out of it’s wine-drenched fog and stopped things before they started.

Ryan gently took his fingers out of Matt’s mouth and noticed a trail of spit still connecting them to his lips. He wiped it on the other man’s shirt. 

“Dude,” Matt opened his eyes. 

Ryan put a hand on his shoulder. “That was enough, we gotta stop,” he said. 

Matt frowned and shook Ryan’s hand off. “Uh-uh. You just started this. I wasn’t even going to do anything until you told me to come over here.”

**“Yeah, I started it, and now I’m going to finish it.”**

Ryan’s head was starting to hurt and he wanted Matt to get off of him before he changed his mind. But Matt wasn’t letting up.

“I’m so drunk,” he said, “you know how I get when I’m drunk.”

“Matt — ”

Matt brought his face uncomfortably close to Ryan’s and whispered, “You know, I’m probably drunk enough to suck your cock. If you want.”

Ryan wanted that more than anything. To see Matt’s head bobbing up and down between his legs, to hear the disgusting noises he’d make on his cock. But even thinking that was a bridge too far. 

“No,” he said.

“Come on, man,” Matt whined, “Odds are you let me suck your cock.”

Ryan grabbed a fistful of Matt’s blonde hair and turned his head away. “Stop looking at me.”

Matt reached a hand down between them to paw at Ryan’s dick through his gym shorts. Ryan let go of Matt’s hair to slap him.

“Don’t fucking do that,” Ryan whispered.

“You know that slap makes me want more,” Matt whispered back, “you know what that does to me.”

“Oh yeah?” Ryan slapped him again, much harder this time. Matt opened his mouth and moaned. Ryan clapped a hand over his mouth. “I said, you’re too goddamn loud.”

Matt bit the inside of his hand.

“Ow!” Ryan yelped, drawing his hand away. 

Matt quickly grabbed it, pinned it to the couch, and drunkenly smashed his lips onto Ryan’s. He bucked his skinny hips into the other man’s and felt his cock hard through his shorts.

“See?” Matt pulled back, “You want me just as bad as I want you. You just can’t admit it.”

“I hate you so much.” Ryan spat directly in Matt’s face and growled, “you try anything else and I snap you in half like a little toothpick.”

Exhilaration ran down Matt’s spine, but humiliation still burned in his face. He wiped the spit off with the back of his hand and said, “You’re not an angry drunk, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

Ryan took his own hand and laid it threateningly on the side of Matt’s neck. “You,” he said, “are making me question everything about myself,” he brushed a thumb over Matt’s Adam’s Apple and saw a tiny amount of fear in his eyes, “and I don’t appreciate it.”

“You going to choke me out, Magee?” Matt whispered.

“I might,” Ryan said, “is that what you want from me?”

“Yes.”

“Then I’m not going to do it.” Ryan took his hand away from Matt’s throat and instead grabbed a fistful of his shirt. He yanked until the two of them were nose to nose. “I don’t like being angry at you,” he said, “so get off me. Now.”

**Ryan’s tone made Matt want to obey his every word.** In that moment, he would’ve done anything Ryan asked for. Unfortunately, Ryan had asked him to leave. So he slid off the other man and sat on the floor as quietly as possible. 

Ryan sat up and drew his legs into his chest, resting his chin on his knees. His head was pounding, he felt dizzy. He breathed in through his nose, then out through his mouth.

“God,” he whispered, “Matt.”

“What?”

“Matt, you make me say horrible things.” Ryan suddenly felt tears welling up in his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“No,” Matt whispered, “No, I’m sorry. I was forcing you, I was asking for it.” He stared straight ahead. “I always ask for it.” His voice was so quiet that Ryan could barely hear him. “I think I like it when you punish me.”

Ryan shook his head. “Don’t say that shit.”

Matt remained on the floor, tracing patterns in the dust with his finger. He felt ashamed of himself. If this was what kissing Ryan always resulted in, then why did he still want to do it every time he saw him? Why did he still lie in bed every night imagining Ryan beside him? Why did he so badly want Ryan to bend him over the couch and fuck him until he couldn’t think? He pushed that particular fantasy to the back of his mind for later. 

Ryan looked at the messy hair peeking out from the edge of the couch. He couldn’t believe that any part of him wanted to hurt his best friend. He wanted Matt’s head back in his lap so he could forgive him, fix his hair, and whisper apologies. He opened his mouth to say something, but Matt interrupted him before he could even start.

“Will you sleep in my bed tonight?” There was a mixture of sadness and desperation in the other man’s eyes. “I promise I won’t try anything.” He bit his lip. “Just… y’know, be with me? Please?” 

Something tightened in Ryan’s chest. “Of course. Sure. Be right there.” 

Matt nodded and picked himself off the floor. He went to his bedroom without even looking back. Ryan shakily forced himself off the couch and stopped in the bathroom first before making his way into Matt’s room. He found Matt pulling off his jeans and tossing them into a corner.

“Sorry,” he said.

Matt shrugged. “S’fine. I don’t care. Lemme brush my teeth, my breath probably smells disgusting.” He padded to the bathroom, leaving Ryan all alone. 

It was a little weird being in Matt’s room by himself. They’d spent so much time together in the past and Matt’s room in their old apartment was so familiar. This was different. It was like looking into Matt’s world. There was a lot to look at — mainly clothes on the floor and posters on the walls, but he focused on a lime green lava lamp in the corner. The gooey bubbles lazily floated up to the top and back down to the bottom in a pattern that changed every time. Sometimes a tiny bubble would catch on a bigger one on its way to the top and leave on its way to the bottom. Sometimes two bubbles would merge into one as they rose but separate just before they reached the top. It almost made Ryan sad. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Matt re-appeared in the doorway. 

“Watchin’ my lava lamp?” he asked.

Ryan nodded. “It’s a nice touch. Very early 2000s.”

“Mm-hm.” Matt hummed something unrecognizable as he picked his way over to the corner of the room and flopped on the bed. He looked almost cute, with his messy blonde hair and pink flamingos on his boxers. He patted the empty space next to him. “Well?”

Ryan made his way over and carefully sat down at his feet. “Ummm…”

Matt propped himself up to face him. “Whatever you’re gonna say, it can wait til the morning, okay?”

Both men knew that Ryan would not be there in the morning. But Matt reached over and pulled at his arm anyway. He let the other man guide him down into the blankets next to him.

“Let’s just sleep,” Matt said.

Ryan laid there, not sure if he should even touch his friend. As though Matt had read his mind, he mumbled, “I’d like you to hold me. But only if you want to.”

Ryan reached out and hooked an arm around Matt’s middle, drawing him in close to his chest. He pressed a soft kiss to the crook of his neck and drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all liked that. Next chapter coming soon!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It continues.

It was 2:28am, and Matt was sitting cross-legged on his bed, staring at a black-and-white dress.

He had carefully taken it out of his bottom drawer and unrolled it so the whole outfit was spread out on top of his blankets. Matt ran his fingers over the fabric, remembering how it hung off his frame and showed off his body for Ryan.

He buried his fingertips in the ruffles, savoring the memory of Ryan’s firm hands groping him underneath his skirt.

He could put it on. No one would know. Matt could strip himself bare, slip on a dress, and pretend he was desirable again. He could pleasure himself to the memory, acting like he was still there on that couch, being kissed and teased.

As much as Ryan laughed at him for his antics, Matt saw that hungry look in his eyes. There was some part of Ryan that wanted him, there had to be. He’d seen that hungry look in the past, too. After a particularly intense recording session. After a particularly intoxicated Drunk Drawing. After a particularly intimate night out with their friends, where they could steal glances at one another and play footsie underneath the table and pretend it was all for a bit. Besides, no one ever batted an eye at Matt and Ryan pressed up against each other in the backseat of an Uber.

Ryan was always right there waiting for Matt to reach out and touch him. But it had been almost two weeks, and Matt’s bedsheets no longer smelled like him. Of course Ryan had to leave before anyone saw him the next morning — but it still hurt to wake up in an empty bed, especially since he’d fallen asleep with Ryan’s arms wrapped around him.

Matt balled up the dress and threw it across the room, then winced as the buttons smacked against the wall. He rolled his eyes at himself, then shifted in his bed so he could hide under the covers and go to sleep.

He couldn’t resist unlocking his phone to check Twitter, though. He took a few minutes to scroll, and just before he was about to turn it off for the night, he saw that someone had posted an old picture of Ryan. Without even giving it a second thought, Matt closed Twitter and opened up another app.

***

It was 2:36am, and Ryan was sitting at his desk, staring at a lit-up phone.

_Incoming call from Matt Watson_

They’d managed to keep things friendly and professional so far. They’d come to the office, sit on the recording couch, smile at each other, and get to work. They could still mess with each other, argue with each other, and make each other laugh. It was almost like nothing had ever happened the nights before. 

They certainly avoided talking about it. And they avoided talking after work. But here Matt was, testing Ryan’s resolve as usual. He really didn’t want to answer the phone, didn’t want things to change, didn’t want to throw the delicate balance they had out of whack. 

Then he pictured Matt sitting alone in his bedroom and watching the phone go dark in his hand. So, at the very last second, Ryan picked up.

“Yeah buddy?”

“Oh, hey Ryan!”

“What’s up? You cut something off your knee again?”

Matt laughed. “Uh, no. Not doing that home surgery shit anymore.” Ryan could hear bedsheets rustling. “No, um, I was actually wondering, do you maybe wanna come over this weekend?”

Ryan grimaced. He tapped his nails on the desk then picked up the pen stashed behind his keyboard.

“Uh...” He started to click his pen. “I don’t know, dude. Isn’t that a little… you know, not a good idea?”

Matt frowned through the phone. “I don’t think so. I've just been kinda lonely lately.”

“Lonely? You’ve got plenty of people over there to keep you company.”

“Tucker brothers don’t count.”

Ryan shrugged. “Okay, yeah, I get that. Still. I’m not sure.”

“C’mon, man. Maybe we can do something for old time’s sake?” 

Matt was trying to hook him in with nostalgia. That was always hard for him to resist, and Matt knew it.

“If you want to do something for old time’s sake, we’ll go get McDonald’s and eat it in my car,” Ryan said.

“Or play video games in an empty apartment,” Matt reminded him.

Ryan rolled his eyes. “You’ve gotta come to my place for that. It has the white walls and everything.”

Matt’s voice perked up. “Alright, then we’ll go to your place! I know we see each other like, every day, but we’ve also been kind of avoiding each other outside of work so… I miss you.”

Ryan knew exactly what he meant. 

He also knew that “I miss you” was a dangerous phrase.

If they brought feelings, real, genuine feelings into this, it would get messy. Not messy like blood on his lips or spit in Matt’s face — messy like they’d hurt each other again. Messy like Matt being a glutton for punishment and Ryan being unable to control himself. Something other than bruises on cheeks and scratches down backs. Ryan tortured himself, going back and forth in his head about whether or not they could risk it and whether or not he wanted that risk.

“... Ryan?” 

“You’re way too good at convincing me.” He set his pen down. “C’mon over this weekend, we’ll try some of Ross’ Mario levels or something.”

Matt laughed. “Mario? We’re terrible at Mario, you said you didn’t even want to play it on the channel anymore.”

“Yeah, on the channel.” Ryan smiled. “We can be bad at it on our own time, jackass.”

“Okay, okay, we’ll play Mario!” Ryan could hear Matt smile back. “And maybe eat some McDonald’s and drink some Four Loko, yeah?”

“Nope, not drinking battery acid. See you at the office.” 

Ryan hung up without saying goodbye and tossed the phone on his bed. He let out a long sigh and wondered if he’d made the right decision. 

Of course he wanted to have Matt all to himself, that wasn’t something he could easily deny. Matt was the one person he never got tired of seeing. Even in the very beginning, when they would spend almost every waking moment together, it still made his day when he saw Matt emerging from his bedroom and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. And before the very beginning, Matt had been there to catch him when he fell. 

But now it was going even further, and he had no idea where it would end up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the short chapter, but there’s gotta be a set-up before we get to the good stuff. Keep an eye out!


End file.
